Anyways. Off to plot how to open the fridge.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
My turkey has arrived!
It's getting closer. Thanksgiving that is. I know this because my woman slave went to the store today and brought home a decapitated bird (not as great a job as I would have done..) and spent a good 45 minutes trying to figure out how to place it in the fridge. I supervised this whole chaotic experience for her from the inside of the Trader Joes insulated bag she pulled it from. I must make sure my bird will be pristine for my belly. After it was finally situated, I spent the next 45 minutes trying to open the fridge back up, to stare at all of it's glory, but alas, my 6th claw failed me. Damn them. The bird is slightly smaller than I am, and it weighs 8 pounds less. I was hoping it would be a 22 pound bird- SO I COULD LITERALLY EAT MY WEIGHT IN TURKEY. Maybe next year.
In addition to bringing home delights for the soon to be festivities, she also brought home a floral arrangement! They always make me so excited! From the rubberbands and hold them all together, to the sprigs of beargrass shooting out from the bouquet! It's all delicious! And I think the woman slave always forgets how appetizing I find them to be. And since she pissed me off by not letting me suck the juices from the turkey today, I ate her flowers. She was NOT impressed. I can't wait until the male slave cleans my litter box tomorrow- he will be finding a latex surprise from me in there: )
Friday, November 9, 2012
Since I've been slacking...
Well, well, well.. It seems my slightly chaotic life has prevented me from clicking these black squares with my highly sharpened claws. Let's change that.
The slaves and I are still in NY. It's starting to get very cold. Arctic cold in fact. My woman slave does not like it. I'm confused as to why she complains about it, she has for the last 7 and a half months been adding a layer of blubber to her midsection (much like I have). She should be set for winter. I don't mind the cold. I would however prefer if these tree birds that don't have wings would suddenly transform into penguins. I think I would very much like to hunt penguins.
My woman slave left me for a WHOLE month with my man slave. It was terrible. I was left alone for way too long, not that I needed the company. You know, I just hated being in the dark. So to show how upset I was, I constantly ate everything I could find. This may have included a few feathers and carpet fibers from my claw sharpening device. I may have put on 7 pounds in that month... When the woman slave returned home, the instant she saw me she let out this terrible squawk about how fat I had gotten. I should have thrown up RIGHT ON HER LUGGAGE. As if she has room to talk. She came back a lot thicker in the middle than she should have... The slaves decided I needed to go on a diet. THEY ARE THE WORST SLAVES EVER. I SHOULD BE ABLE TO EAT WHAT I WANT, WHEN I WANT, AND ON DEMAND! To show them I win, I follow this little game of theirs, BUT REFUSE TO DROP ANY WEIGHT. Its been almost a month now and I have not shed a single pound! HA!
The slaves have started talking about and doing odd things lately. They've brought a lot of new furniture into my household, without my permission I might add... And have set it all up. There's a bed with jail rails, this tall thing with a cat bed on it, and a new dresser that is jam packed full of tiny clothes. I hide when the woman slave opens it because they are small enough to fit me, and I think we all know how much King Booger hates to be clothed. Last night another large box came and out of it the male slave and the neighbor pulled out this wonderful chair. It lays down flat and has a flippy contraption that comes out of its bottom. The female slave sat in it all evening. I like to sit on the arm of it and creepily stare into her eyes, letting her know I know that she is up to no good. I know something is not right, they keep sayin, "Soon Boogy (I know, embarrassing) you will be a big brother." IF THEY BRING HOME ANOTHER KITTEN I WILL EAT IT. I need a new topic, this one is starting to make me feel like throwing up.
Lastly, I'm assuming it is November. The slaves keep talking about things they are thankful for. I'm not thankful for anything. Everything is owed to me to begin with. I am very entitled. The only good thing that is coming out of November this year is that the slaves will be hosting Thanksgiving Dinner. I will be demanding I receive my own turkey.
Well, off I must go, I have a lot of napping to catch up on.
Booger
The slaves and I are still in NY. It's starting to get very cold. Arctic cold in fact. My woman slave does not like it. I'm confused as to why she complains about it, she has for the last 7 and a half months been adding a layer of blubber to her midsection (much like I have). She should be set for winter. I don't mind the cold. I would however prefer if these tree birds that don't have wings would suddenly transform into penguins. I think I would very much like to hunt penguins.
My woman slave left me for a WHOLE month with my man slave. It was terrible. I was left alone for way too long, not that I needed the company. You know, I just hated being in the dark. So to show how upset I was, I constantly ate everything I could find. This may have included a few feathers and carpet fibers from my claw sharpening device. I may have put on 7 pounds in that month... When the woman slave returned home, the instant she saw me she let out this terrible squawk about how fat I had gotten. I should have thrown up RIGHT ON HER LUGGAGE. As if she has room to talk. She came back a lot thicker in the middle than she should have... The slaves decided I needed to go on a diet. THEY ARE THE WORST SLAVES EVER. I SHOULD BE ABLE TO EAT WHAT I WANT, WHEN I WANT, AND ON DEMAND! To show them I win, I follow this little game of theirs, BUT REFUSE TO DROP ANY WEIGHT. Its been almost a month now and I have not shed a single pound! HA!
The slaves have started talking about and doing odd things lately. They've brought a lot of new furniture into my household, without my permission I might add... And have set it all up. There's a bed with jail rails, this tall thing with a cat bed on it, and a new dresser that is jam packed full of tiny clothes. I hide when the woman slave opens it because they are small enough to fit me, and I think we all know how much King Booger hates to be clothed. Last night another large box came and out of it the male slave and the neighbor pulled out this wonderful chair. It lays down flat and has a flippy contraption that comes out of its bottom. The female slave sat in it all evening. I like to sit on the arm of it and creepily stare into her eyes, letting her know I know that she is up to no good. I know something is not right, they keep sayin, "Soon Boogy (I know, embarrassing) you will be a big brother." IF THEY BRING HOME ANOTHER KITTEN I WILL EAT IT. I need a new topic, this one is starting to make me feel like throwing up.
Lastly, I'm assuming it is November. The slaves keep talking about things they are thankful for. I'm not thankful for anything. Everything is owed to me to begin with. I am very entitled. The only good thing that is coming out of November this year is that the slaves will be hosting Thanksgiving Dinner. I will be demanding I receive my own turkey.
Well, off I must go, I have a lot of napping to catch up on.
Booger
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