Gaurd Cat

So I just got done helping the woman slave weed my backyard. While she weeded, I protected her from objects such as flying dirt clods, old snapdragon stalks, rocks and the neighbors crappy "punt me" dog. I should also add now that I was REALLY high; we pruned back the cat nip bush. I couldn't help it. What can I say? I love me some cat nip! But this made playing gaurd cat 20.000 times more enjoyable. This also will help explain my way of gaurding. To protect her from dirt clods, I either ate them and/or playfully pushed them out of the way when she shook off the excess dirt from the roots. I ruined the lives of the snapdragon stalks; they are excellent sticks to chase! And I chased rocks into the lawn, far away from her!  But I did my best at warding away the stupid dog next door. Firstly, it's worthless people let it out as soon as my slave stepped outside and let it in when she went to the garage, and then let it back out as soon as she was out in the yard again (see why they're worthless..). All it apparently can do is bark in a stupid soprano pitch, which is even more obnoxious than a normal bark. I don't understand how it didn't die from lack of oxygen due to its non-stop barking action. Super annoying. Then it would come over to the fence, bark really hard and piss me off, so I slapped the fence hard, and the dog probably crapped itself, and then ran over to its tiny bit of concrete patio and barked from a distance. I'm probably going to take a dump in its yard later. My slave petted me and told me how great of a protector I am! Shortly after we dumped all the weeds out of her basket and went inside. She scared some pidgeons that nest in the gutter of the house next to mine, and they flew around making a ton of noise; I got scared and ran for the fence. Hey, sometimes ferocious kings get a little scared too!