Today-

Today my diet consisted of yarn. It's delightful and full of fiber. My woman slave thought it was funny, but I was starving because my crunchies were running a little lower than I like in my food bowl. Little does she know that I will poop out yarn later MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA >: )  -yes, cats do indeed use smilies.

This is my yarn eating experience. I do this quite often. I prefer real wool to synthetic. It tastes more like real sheep.

My friends

I don't normally make a lot of friends, because, let's be honest, I have high standards, and not everyone can be as wonderful as I am.

This is Reily. He hates being held. I hate being held. It's why we're friends.

This is Reily REALLY hating life. Don't worry, he got some good punches in!

This is Genetic. Yes, he is a turtle. No, that is not my paw. He's my friend because no matter what I do, I most likely can not injure him; he's the perfect friend/toy!

This is Braxton. Sometimes I like him, and sometimes I make my Slave Woman lock him inside so I can relax.

Below is a video of him trying to get my attention. Please note my ability to ignore anything.

I win.

I also have more friends but I don't feel the need to show them at this time.

Outside Time

I really love the outdoors. I love the fresh, coolness on my fur and the crisp scent of crunchy leaves (that I will eat) and rain pools (I will drink out of), but when I'm done with outside time, I'M DONE. When I've had enough of the rain and it's not fun to be outside any more, you BETTER LET ME IN! If you don't I yell as loud as I can, I climb the screen door (thanks for re-inforcing it Slaves, it makes it much easier to climb all the way to the top), and when all else fails, I scratch on the glass like a smelly, no good, low-life dog. How embarrassing. 

My Slaves think it's particularly cute, and leave me outside longer to sratch more. They captured my begging on video. I'm now being black mailed. I will find out how to use my extra claws, and I will erase it.

This is the video. Please do not disperse. Or I will hunt you down and slap you to death. Mark my words.

This is me pleading with my slaves to let me in.

I think this is some sort of abuse.

Hungry

This is what happens when I get ignored when I'm hungry.

I'm also pissed. So that container holding tomatoes? I slapped in on the floor.

Cleaning day!

Today my woman slave decided it was time to deep clean my lair, and by my lair, I mean the entire house. She does this often, but for the most part, I prefer to stay out of the way. I'm not sure why today was different, maybe it was the excess bleach scent in the air, but I decided that I was going to help.
Firstly I helped by sitting on all the paper towel squares that she was needing to use. She apparently found it to be an inconvenience, but I was merely warming them for her hands. Remember, it was my choice to be helpful, I was in a 'lovely' mood (as my slaves like to say) today.
I then proceeded to help her pick out the products she needed to use by slapping them over with my paws. Again, she felt this to be an inconvenience, but really, I was just telling her what to use.
I helped her with sweeping and swiffering, which I usually help with because it's like hockey, with me being the puck. But a mean puck, that hits the broom or the swiffer, and makes my slave laugh.
She then scared me with the vacuum, but don't worry, I got her back while she was cleaning my litter box. I took a poo while she was in the middle of cleaning it. She stopped to let me do my business; then I climbed out. She started cleaning it again, and I decided I had to go number one, so I climbed back in. She gave up and moved on to something else. I had to get it all out, no one likes a fresh litter box more than I! By this time I was exhausted, so I proceeded to leave her and her obsessive cleaning alone to take a nap in the laundry basket: mmmm, the fresh smell of laundry, so relaxing!

Mad

My female slave just cut up an avacado, and only gave me a little bit. She knows that avacados are my favorite food. I'm pissed. So to take my anger out I just slapped some spare change off the table, the stack of letters that need to get put in the mail box, and now I am going to sulk by the door and practice yodeling. I hope I just showed her who wins everytime.

This was me prior to the avacado fiasco. Happy as a lark.

The Names Booger

Meyellow Everyone!

I am Booger, King of all Kitties. That is the first and foremost lesson you need to know about me. I basically hate life, unless I am snoozing on the ottoman, basking in sweet, sunny delightfulness. I like to slap things and my People Slaves when they upset or pet me, it reassures me that I still hold my power. My very favorite ottoman (the one mentioned above), catapulted me off the other day, in the middle of a charming nap; I was absolutely seething, so after I regained my clarity, I slapped his dodgy stature.
As part of my house ruling, I am sure to wake up my People Slaves, primarily the woman, every morning around 4:27; which is 8 minutes before the male slave gets up. I pester her until she's angry, by singing loudly and knocking the clock off of their shelf. She tires to bribe me to be quiet by handing me crunchies she keeps in her nightstand, but it's morning, and I like my wet hash, but to please her I trick her by taking a few bites, then I go back to singing. Sometimes she throws pillows at me, this just makes me more excited and I race up and down the stairs and then fly into their room, slamming the door open as loudly as possible. This is the point that she starts yelling, then get up. Then I run, because I like to be chased, and she needs to wake up. So we ran around the livingroom, and the kitchen. I'm now bored, so I hide under the table and make sure that she can't capture me. She then opens the treat drawer, to which I run over to her, snatch my treat, and then she throws me outside until my male slave gets up to feed me breakfast. I win everyday.
I'm awfully tired from all of this dictating, my ottoman is calling my name.