More on NY

I've officially lasted a month living here. It's interesting. I'm locked 24 hours indoors. I've actually begun to go mad. I consistantly "rocket" (as the slaves say) back and forth, from one end of our 940' one bedroom apartment to the other. I leap around fearlessly from counters to chairs in the kitchen and from the couch to the desk in the living room. I enjoy knocking off pictures frames, chewing through yarn balls and unravelling bobbin spools. The woman slave pretends not to be impressed, but I know she secretly enjoys it.

My sleep schedule is very disrupted. I make sure the slaves know. I wake them up by Cat Yodeling and serenade every morning at 3 until one of them gets up for good. They've bought another water squirter in hopes it will deter me. It doesn't. To show them how unintimidated I am by it, I broke a candlestick holder and creep up to the bastard squirter while the female slave is alseep and has left it ungaurded, and I SMACK THAT BASTARD AS HARD AS MY SIX CLAWS WILL ALLOW. Although it instantly makes a very loud noise when it hits the ground, causing the slaves to wake up, and then squirt at me with it, I feel that I'm slowly teaching it a lesson.

Lastly, I've been feeling lovey lately. During the daylight hours of course. I've found that I much like to cuddle against either slave. Don't tell anyone. Or I will do to you what I do to the squirter.


Peace

I'm trapped in NY

So as some of you darlings are aware, I was rudely abducted from my quaint town in WA and forcibly placed into a moving vehicle for 4, long, gruesome days by my slaves (to which I sat under the gas and brake pedal in hopes it would kill us all) as we moved to the state of NY.
I hate cars. I hate hotels. I hate my slaves. actually, as I write this, I am currently hiding in a closet from them. There is speak of a few more car rides. I am planning a protest. I'm sure it will involve Cat Howling; I found out the female slave is not happy about Cat Howling, thus I will use it to my advantage. I hope that she will be so tired from my Cat Howling ALL night, that we'll just crash and die on the other car trips so I no longer have to withstand ANY MORE.

I will say, on a less morbid note, the place they are holding me hostage is quite beautiful. I only see it at sunset and sunrise (because the herd of people that are here are quiet and asleep then), through the safety of a screened window. It's right on a large lake, there's birdies EVERYWHERE and lots of green grass. It's cat heaven. I wish we could stay here. I WILL make my slaves stay here.......


Until later,
Booger.

Moving.

Sucks.

To prove how mad I am, I threw up a massive hairball where the slaves were packing. HA.

Update on massacring.

So yesterday, after the vet. I murdered a bird. I think my woman slave was terrified; she looked like she was trembling a little but kept repeating "You're such a good boy! And so skilled at hunting!" in a retarded baby voice. So I hid under a chair and moved Beaky around when she wasn't looking. I think she was more disturbed when she saw the blood pools Beaky left. I bet she's terrified. Just what I want.

This is Beaky after I crumpled his body.

Vet visits.

Today marked the last day for my yearly shots this year. I'm stoked. I hate the vet. It smells like dog mouth and people always feel the need to stick me with needles or shove things up my ass, AND they always comment on how surprised they are to find out that I only weight 14.2 pounds. Wow. I didn't have a weight complex before, but everytime I have to get weighed, they expect me to weigh like 800 pounds.

I hate my woman slave. She forcibly makes me go there. Does she not know they make house calls?

Over the last 6 weeks I've had to go in 4 times. All for shots. Which I hate. A lot.
To show my woman slave how pissed I am at her, each night after I get home from the vet, I go capture a tiny mouse or a massive moth and I bring it to the door, yell for her and then slaughter it right infront of her so she can witness my killing skills first hand. If this doesn't strike fear into her heart, she should be admitted.

Anyways, I'm off to go fill my belly with food and think about what I'm going to massacure for her tonight! Ta-ta!

How I get back: )

When the slaves do something I don't like, I really like to get my revenge. 

I like to go outside, but I don't want to spend ALL night out there; if I have to go without crunchies for too long I lose my temper. I can't handle when my stomach growls at all (which is why I eat all the time). I then have to over compensate for it by eating my morning breakfast (in a quicker manner than normal) and eat half a bowl of crunchies (fast as well).

The woman slave doesn't like vomit.

Do you see where I'm going with this?

I THROW UP ALL OVER THE CARPET TO SHOW HER HOW LIVID I AM THAT SHE LEFT ME OUTSIDE ALLLLL NIGHT.

Ha.

This last time, I threw up in a secret place >: ). Well not that secret, but it took her a few hours to find it. Normally I throw up in the living room, where it's noticable as soon as you walk in the door, but this last time, I threw up at the very top of the stairs. She wasn't impressed when she found it. I'm pretty sure the message I sent her was crystal clear.

Well it's off to play outside: ) BUT NOT ALL NIGHT.

LOVE

Male and female slave recently found my hoarding spot for all things sparkly and shiny, not that it was something I was embarrassed of (well maybe for all the tin foil balls there), I was actually pleased, because now I have the toys back that I LOVE. But don't tell anyone that I love anything. It might ruin my reputation.

These are other things I love:
My special breakfasts EVERY morning, ON TIME (aka WHEN I WANT IT)
Thinking I am being so sly and sneaky (blending in with the concrete outside and slowly moving toward a bird (when I think it's not paying attention to me)) while planning/participating in my next hunting trip.
Water with ice in it.
Hiding on the stairs (because I'm sneaky), waiting to launch out and scare the crap out of my slaves.
Trying to burrow under the Powder Room door; and also yelling at it.
Staring at the same spot on the wall for hours at a time.
Eating yarn.
Selling Cat Nip.
Eating Cat Nip.
Not being pretted.
Always being paid attention to (but not being petted).
Eating rubber bands.
Playing with rubber bands,
Anything having to do with rubber bands.
Obsessively walking in the same foot steps around the yard, EVERYTIME I go outside.
Being better than ANYTHING IN THE WORLD.
When the Male Slave pays attention to the Female Slave before noticing me.
Lurking in the bathtubs, waiting for an unsuspecting slave to walk in so I can launch at them.
Folding Laundry (aka- climbing into the dryer as soon as the Female Slave opens the dryer door).
Helping make the bed (extra points if I get made into the fitted sheet).
MY ottoman.
MY chair.
Watching Cat TV (aka- the bird feeder through the sliding glass door).
When my Female Slave rolls balls of yarn.
When I get treats.
Kneading on anything made of microfiber (it feels the best on my paws).
Laying on things that the Slaves refer to as 'uncomfortable'.
Pit'r Patter salmon flavored kitty treats (these are extra special and I only get them when I'm trying to be bribed, which is just one of the many reasons why I am stubborn).
Sleeping under the blanket with my Female Slave when she takes a nap.
Showing off my incredible muscles as I easily knock heavy items to the floor when I feel they are in my way and/or I feel I'm not getting paid enough attention.
Sushi.
Letting guests admire my beauty, but making sure they DON'T TOUCH ME.
Yodeling in the early hours of morning.


I'll finish this later, I'm in desperate need of a cat nap.


P.s. If anyone leaks that I love anything at all, I will take all 12 of my front claws and make sure you NEVER talk again.

I've been busy,

Which is why I haven't been blogging. Since I know I have so many fans, all whom are dying, wondering why my furry paws haven't been typing lately, I'll let you in on my busyness.

I've been napping.

I know, it's truly a hard job. Firstly you have to pick where you want to nap (I have too may options to consider: there's 6 cushions to choose from, plus one of the two ottomans, two chairs, the tile infront of the fire place, under the curtins, under the table, in front of my food dish, in a number of cabinets, on top of the washer, the rug in front of the kitchen sink, one of the 14 stairs, any one of the three beds, under any one of the three beds, in the slaves' closet, tucked under their sweatshirts or jeans, in either of the bath tubs, the chair in my slaves' room.. many more...), I just have too many options! Secondly, I have to find out how I can make it lumpier, because we all know, the more lumps, the more comfortable. My top preferences of the day are the notecards my woman slave is making for my man slave so he passes his promotion board (I'm crossing my tail for this because I want better treats), all three remotes, my woman slaves crochet patterns (which I slid all over everytime I turned over...I'm sure she'll forgive all the crumples I made; ) I mean I am VERRRY handsome), the basket full of yarn balls, and a wadded up blanket. They may change tomorrow. Lastly, sleeping is an art, once you've met where, and what, you have to find the perfect position to sleep in. I prefer sleeping on my back with all four paws in the air, exposing my furry tummy fur, with my head cocked to the side and my tail in a curly cue pattern. BEST NAPS EVER.

On that note... ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Why birds are stupid.

About a month ago my female slave refilled the bird feeder that she so lovingly installed outside of my sliding glass door, that gives me the bird channel in HD! Every year the stupid birds come and feast on sunflower seeds and other stupid bird delights, while I meanicingly cat chirp and yodel from behind the glass, as well as drool. So far this year the stupid birds have let me down. Probably because I captured and ate one of their friends last year.. But seriously, that's beside the point. They just started coming into my back yard in the last few weeks, but only peck at the ground with their doofy beaks for worms and bugs, I think they think I don't notice they are out there... It recently snowed and there is still snow on the ground. Some may not know this, but snow does not lie. If you step in it, there will be foot prints/paw prints/dumb bird feet prints/etc. These feather brained beasts must think I am not aware of their presence, because there are stupid bird prints ALL OVER OUTSIDE BUT NONE THAT EVEN COME CLOSE TO THIS REDICULOUS BIRD FEEDER THAT I ENJOY WATCHING. I feel cheated by the birds this year. It makes me hate them even more. I plan on murdering more than one this year. Just wait birdies, I will EAT YOUR FAMILIES.

Gaurd Cat

So I just got done helping the woman slave weed my backyard. While she weeded, I protected her from objects such as flying dirt clods, old snapdragon stalks, rocks and the neighbors crappy "punt me" dog. I should also add now that I was REALLY high; we pruned back the cat nip bush. I couldn't help it. What can I say? I love me some cat nip! But this made playing gaurd cat 20.000 times more enjoyable. This also will help explain my way of gaurding. To protect her from dirt clods, I either ate them and/or playfully pushed them out of the way when she shook off the excess dirt from the roots. I ruined the lives of the snapdragon stalks; they are excellent sticks to chase! And I chased rocks into the lawn, far away from her!  But I did my best at warding away the stupid dog next door. Firstly, it's worthless people let it out as soon as my slave stepped outside and let it in when she went to the garage, and then let it back out as soon as she was out in the yard again (see why they're worthless..). All it apparently can do is bark in a stupid soprano pitch, which is even more obnoxious than a normal bark. I don't understand how it didn't die from lack of oxygen due to its non-stop barking action. Super annoying. Then it would come over to the fence, bark really hard and piss me off, so I slapped the fence hard, and the dog probably crapped itself, and then ran over to its tiny bit of concrete patio and barked from a distance. I'm probably going to take a dump in its yard later. My slave petted me and told me how great of a protector I am! Shortly after we dumped all the weeds out of her basket and went inside. She scared some pidgeons that nest in the gutter of the house next to mine, and they flew around making a ton of noise; I got scared and ran for the fence. Hey, sometimes ferocious kings get a little scared too!

My night

This is what my night entails EVERY night.  It never fails. My male slave gets overly joyed upon walking in the door and 'smothers' me with love. The below is proof. Animal cruelty?

Today-

Today my diet consisted of yarn. It's delightful and full of fiber. My woman slave thought it was funny, but I was starving because my crunchies were running a little lower than I like in my food bowl. Little does she know that I will poop out yarn later MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA >: )  -yes, cats do indeed use smilies.

This is my yarn eating experience. I do this quite often. I prefer real wool to synthetic. It tastes more like real sheep.

My friends

I don't normally make a lot of friends, because, let's be honest, I have high standards, and not everyone can be as wonderful as I am.

This is Reily. He hates being held. I hate being held. It's why we're friends.

This is Reily REALLY hating life. Don't worry, he got some good punches in!

This is Genetic. Yes, he is a turtle. No, that is not my paw. He's my friend because no matter what I do, I most likely can not injure him; he's the perfect friend/toy!

This is Braxton. Sometimes I like him, and sometimes I make my Slave Woman lock him inside so I can relax.

Below is a video of him trying to get my attention. Please note my ability to ignore anything.

I win.

I also have more friends but I don't feel the need to show them at this time.

Outside Time

I really love the outdoors. I love the fresh, coolness on my fur and the crisp scent of crunchy leaves (that I will eat) and rain pools (I will drink out of), but when I'm done with outside time, I'M DONE. When I've had enough of the rain and it's not fun to be outside any more, you BETTER LET ME IN! If you don't I yell as loud as I can, I climb the screen door (thanks for re-inforcing it Slaves, it makes it much easier to climb all the way to the top), and when all else fails, I scratch on the glass like a smelly, no good, low-life dog. How embarrassing. 

My Slaves think it's particularly cute, and leave me outside longer to sratch more. They captured my begging on video. I'm now being black mailed. I will find out how to use my extra claws, and I will erase it.

This is the video. Please do not disperse. Or I will hunt you down and slap you to death. Mark my words.

This is me pleading with my slaves to let me in.

I think this is some sort of abuse.

Hungry

This is what happens when I get ignored when I'm hungry.

I'm also pissed. So that container holding tomatoes? I slapped in on the floor.

Cleaning day!

Today my woman slave decided it was time to deep clean my lair, and by my lair, I mean the entire house. She does this often, but for the most part, I prefer to stay out of the way. I'm not sure why today was different, maybe it was the excess bleach scent in the air, but I decided that I was going to help.
Firstly I helped by sitting on all the paper towel squares that she was needing to use. She apparently found it to be an inconvenience, but I was merely warming them for her hands. Remember, it was my choice to be helpful, I was in a 'lovely' mood (as my slaves like to say) today.
I then proceeded to help her pick out the products she needed to use by slapping them over with my paws. Again, she felt this to be an inconvenience, but really, I was just telling her what to use.
I helped her with sweeping and swiffering, which I usually help with because it's like hockey, with me being the puck. But a mean puck, that hits the broom or the swiffer, and makes my slave laugh.
She then scared me with the vacuum, but don't worry, I got her back while she was cleaning my litter box. I took a poo while she was in the middle of cleaning it. She stopped to let me do my business; then I climbed out. She started cleaning it again, and I decided I had to go number one, so I climbed back in. She gave up and moved on to something else. I had to get it all out, no one likes a fresh litter box more than I! By this time I was exhausted, so I proceeded to leave her and her obsessive cleaning alone to take a nap in the laundry basket: mmmm, the fresh smell of laundry, so relaxing!

Mad

My female slave just cut up an avacado, and only gave me a little bit. She knows that avacados are my favorite food. I'm pissed. So to take my anger out I just slapped some spare change off the table, the stack of letters that need to get put in the mail box, and now I am going to sulk by the door and practice yodeling. I hope I just showed her who wins everytime.

This was me prior to the avacado fiasco. Happy as a lark.

The Names Booger

Meyellow Everyone!

I am Booger, King of all Kitties. That is the first and foremost lesson you need to know about me. I basically hate life, unless I am snoozing on the ottoman, basking in sweet, sunny delightfulness. I like to slap things and my People Slaves when they upset or pet me, it reassures me that I still hold my power. My very favorite ottoman (the one mentioned above), catapulted me off the other day, in the middle of a charming nap; I was absolutely seething, so after I regained my clarity, I slapped his dodgy stature.
As part of my house ruling, I am sure to wake up my People Slaves, primarily the woman, every morning around 4:27; which is 8 minutes before the male slave gets up. I pester her until she's angry, by singing loudly and knocking the clock off of their shelf. She tires to bribe me to be quiet by handing me crunchies she keeps in her nightstand, but it's morning, and I like my wet hash, but to please her I trick her by taking a few bites, then I go back to singing. Sometimes she throws pillows at me, this just makes me more excited and I race up and down the stairs and then fly into their room, slamming the door open as loudly as possible. This is the point that she starts yelling, then get up. Then I run, because I like to be chased, and she needs to wake up. So we ran around the livingroom, and the kitchen. I'm now bored, so I hide under the table and make sure that she can't capture me. She then opens the treat drawer, to which I run over to her, snatch my treat, and then she throws me outside until my male slave gets up to feed me breakfast. I win everyday.
I'm awfully tired from all of this dictating, my ottoman is calling my name.